| All right...
I believe I have grown up in the past week.
Here's the situations in my life...
First off, the biggest thing is I realized I've become devoid of feelings. Now, I know a lot of you are already questioning me about that statement, but I believe I have lost a part of me that was human. And I'm not sad. No, on the contrary, I believe it strengthens my resoluteness to all things that would affect a "normal" person.
I've always believed myself to be different for that reason (and I am), but I've finally cut off almost all "human" emotions from me. 'Tis a strange thing to do, yes, but being a stoic seems to fit my life for the better. The problems that trouble me are so trivial, so small, that it infuriates me to think about them. I get flustered over relationships, friends, and school, that I've finally just cut the line connecting those ridiculous concepts to me.
For my second part, I've destroyed close to all relations to my immeadiate family. I'm tired of being subject to the order of the household. Yes, I know, my family rules me and controls all factors of my life, but I want to be independent as possible from them. I think in digust when I must travel back home to my "family" after school everyday. I "love" my parents and family and want no harm brought to them, yet, as I see it, I'm on my own. I have come to believe I have no allies in this beserk world, save for the few friends I do claim to have.
Friends... What a great word. You can say you're my friend, but do you act upon our friendship? Do we hang out? Can I explain my darkest secrets and not be afraid of a falsified claim that I'm doing this or that? I love how everytime I act nice, I get shot down for it in the long run. But, that's alright now. I expect it. Another contributing factor to my loss of feelings. I may look cold on the outside, but get to know me, and you find a loyal friend who will never go behind your back or spread your secrets.
I consider myself a visionary. A dreamer. An idealist. A philosopher. A leader. I lead, whether it be myself, or my close friends, to new levels of ideology, all in the name of morality. It is up to them to either accept the idea, counter it, or change it. But, I choose to try and capitalize upon my ideas. Whether my friends do or not, I have no idea, but I just look to change "my society" to a more socially acceptable atmosphere. I again have no idea if people notice or not, but the thing is, that while it may not succeed, I try again the next time also.
More to come...
It WILL be updated.
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